This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
