I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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