Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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