no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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