I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
