Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
