Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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