I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
