I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
