i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
