It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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