Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Randomize
