Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Every concussion has its silver lining
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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