White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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