I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
