We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
