Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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