I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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