His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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