Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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