So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
