So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
