dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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