I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
