bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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