I smell stomach acid.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Randomize
