I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
