I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
