I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
