you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
