I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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