you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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