i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
a search helicopter?!
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
