Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
