I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
