It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
