those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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