everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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