All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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