dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
