Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
