It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
