Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
