dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Terrible idea I love it
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
