take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
