just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
