Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
