i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
