kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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