I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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