Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
