When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
